


Today's Special: Torture

by Kira_Dattei



Series: The Old Guard Whumptober 2020 [32]
Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Developing Relationship, M/M, Pre-Canon, Pre-Relationship, Self-Harm, Whumptober 2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:21:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27814513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kira_Dattei/pseuds/Kira_Dattei
Summary: Yusuf began testing that he healed every morning. When Nicolo learns of this, he is deeply displeased.Prompt: Experiment
Relationships: Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani & Nicky | Nicolo di Genova, Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Series: The Old Guard Whumptober 2020 [32]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1994617
Comments: 6
Kudos: 74





	Today's Special: Torture

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not a whump writer so I can't promise a huge amount of whump in all of these. I just picked the prompt from each day that actually sparked an idea and ran with it.  
> I'm mostly using these as a way to get a feel for the characters and I simply love the relationships given in canon and wanted to explore them.  
> Joe is the lucky whumpee for most of these because I just love him.
> 
> These are all going to be one-shots and they are as connected as you want them to be so you’re good to just read one and not worry about missing anything.
> 
> Please read responsibly with the self-harm tag.

Yusuf couldn’t say for certain when it had started. Too much had happened in a short span of time that had meant entire upheavals of his life and beliefs. He had allowed himself to stop holding concern for mundane details.

The invasion of Jerusalem had been the start of it all, the killing of countless invaders until his confrontation with the one who would kill him as he struck his own blow. He recalled with perfect clarity the pain of the wound he’d received to the chest, making him cough blood in the short moments before he fell to darkness.

When his eyes again opened, he’d been confused and surprised. He’d known as soon as the blow landed that it had been a killing blow having seen many of his people die from such a wound and having struck the same blow upon enemies himself. He’d sat up slowly, his hand pressing to his chest and wincing at the sting of pain he still felt around where he’d been pierced and even felt where his skin was still parted. But then he realized that he could feel the wound disappearing, healing under his touch.

He recalled his confusion growing as he pulled at his armor and shirt, trying to see his skin but his attention had been captured by the one who had struck him down also moving in a similar manner.

His confusion had morphed into frustration which had quickly grown into rage and that had been what led him to continue fighting the man for weeks following. They hadn’t only fought each other, there being times where they struck a killing blow and moved on to where battle was raging elsewhere but they always seemed to cross paths again.

And Yusuf had been wounded and killed by others and he returned and healed regardless of who hurt him and in what manner.

The last time he came across the invader who had first killed him, he had been fighting others but had allowed the battle to move on and leave him behind. He was exhausted and feeling hollow, like everything he was had been taken by death. He hadn’t liked the feeling but had no ideas of how to allow it to pass. His rage had passed and left him again with confusion as he questioned what he had done to be refused death.

He’d been sitting with his blade set upon the ground in front of him, staring at it in his contemplation when the man had approached him. He’d looked up, feeling only further exhaustion as he accepted that the man would again kill him as that was the only way their encounters ended. Perhaps he had been meant to die at this man’s blade and his fault had been in striking back, in denying his death to come with acceptance.

He had never refused to fight this man. Perhaps that would be what allowed him death. And its peace.

He sat forward, moving away from the wall he’d been leaning upon, and folded his legs under him to sit on them as though he was to begin a prayer. But he didn’t, simply looked up at the man and waited for the blow to be struck even as he recognized that this was actually the first time he’d really allowed himself to note the details of the man’s features. He could recognize him every time they crossed blades in battle but he had never simply looked at him.

He had not been killed then, the man never raising his sword as he just stared at Yusuf in bewilderment. They had simply stared at one another for many moments until eventually the man’s sword had been sheathed and he turned away from Yusuf.

Yusuf had been surprised by such action, having never seen a single one of these invaders refuse to kill. Then he was further surprised by hearing the man speak, his voice smooth and low and Yusuf had felt fortunate that he had learned enough of this language to gather what he said. “I am finished with this war.”

He started walking away then and Yusuf paused until the man was almost from sight when he grabbed his sword, sheathed it, and then followed.

That had been the beginning of their travels together and Yusuf did not regret his choice to follow. He was truly grateful that he had made such choice. The man, Nicolo as Yusuf had come to know, proved to be a good man once they had learned more of each other, which had taken much time as they hadn’t shared much of a common language until Yusuf learned more. They slowly fell into habits of travel together, bonded by their shared inability to die.

And at some point in their travel absent of true destination, Yusuf had decided to test each day that wounds inflicted upon him would heal within moments.

Though he hadn’t necessarily decided as it had simply been something he’d done one morning and continued the next day and every one after that.

He would wait until Nicolo was focused elsewhere as the man always woke before Yusuf and then he would draw his knife and draw the blade along the skin of his forearm, then watch as it would bleed freely for a few moments before the gash would close and his skin would be left unblemished. He would wipe the blood away and sheath his knife and continue with his day.

Every day so far it had hurt and every day it had healed.

Yusuf could not really say if he was attempting to change his circumstances or if he was simply removing any curiosity of if that day would be the one that allowed him the option of death. He didn’t necessarily wish to die but he abhorred the thought that he was refused the natural end to life. He was not one who deserved such, inconsequential as his life had been.

They had been travelling along a rive for the past few days and Nicolo had gone to the water as he usually did in the morning and Yusuf remained where he had been cleaning and sharpening his scimitar, ensuring it remained in the finest condition. For as much as he had tolerated learning how to use the weapon in order to protect himself and then use it for war, he had come to see the blade as a part of him, an extension of his arm and something he would need to be most proficient in if he wished to survive against the cruelty of the world he was now completely familiar with as he hadn’t been before.

Nicolo did not speak to him as he left as was usual. Even as Yusuf had become much more fluent in the man’s native language, it did not alter that the man was simply quiet. Yusuf wouldn’t extend as far as to call him reserved but he certainly didn’t converse nearly as much as Yusuf had grown up accustomed to.

And speaking now wasn’t necessary as it was a usual part of their morning and they weren’t to alter their course of travel until after they passed through the next town to restock on supplies and see what work there was to be found.

Yusuf took the time to finish caring for his weapon before sheathing it and reaching for his knife. He pulled up the sleeve of his left arm as he did each day and laid the blade upon his skin. He had only just begun making the cut when his arm was struck to the side. He reacted instinctively and turned back to face his attacker but relaxed immediately when he saw it was simply Nicolo.

The man looked as furious as he had when they faced another in battle but Yusuf had not seen that expression directed toward him for a long time now. He was confused as to why he was receiving it now.

Nicolo closed the short distance between them and reached down to grab the knife from Yusuf’s hand before he stabbed it into the ground behind him. He then took hold of Yusuf’s arm and pulled it closer to himself and looked at the skin, wiping away the small line of blood from the slight cut Yusuf had managed before the interruption.

It was the first time Nicolo had reached for him in this manner and Yusuf was surprised by its occurrence.

When Nicolo spoke, his voice was tense and Yusuf heard the anger he was attempting to suppress. “Why are you doing this?”

Yusuf gave an easy shrug, not understanding Nicolo’s emotions. “To see if the wound remains or not.”

There was a rise in Nicolo’s anger before he stamped it back down. “How long have you been doing this to yourself?”

Yusuf considered the question for a few moments, at first wondering if he should reply honestly and when he’d decided it would be pointless to be dishonest about it he realized he wasn’t sure exactly how long it had been. There was not enough to differentiate the days from one another and Yusuf had admittedly stopped even making attempt shortly after his first death.

What point was there to counting the passing of days when there was seemingly no end?

“I am uncertain,” he settled on saying.

Nicolo’s grip on his arm tightened and he looked down toward the contact and continued to wonder at why Nicolo appeared so affected.

“How can you not know how long you have been harming yourself?”

“It doesn’t remain. The wounds close every time. I would rather know upon the morning than learn that this inability to remain dead or even wounded had left when in a moment of true need. I cannot dismiss the possibility that the day will dawn where we are set upon and I am cut down and do not return to offer you aid.”

Nicolo’s hand dropped away from Yusuf’s arm, the man looking as though he was unsure of how to respond. Yusuf watched him for a moment before he moved to kneel so he could reach past Nicolo to pull his knife from the ground and then stood. He was about to walk away, head to the water to bathe himself and put the conversation behind him, but he was stopped as Nicolo again grabbed hold of his arm and held him securely. He looked back to the other man and saw the determined burning in blue-green eyes.

“You claim to do this for my sake?” he demanded.

Yusuf let out a short laugh as he slid his knife into his belt as he did not like to bear weapon when it was only Nicolo. They had spent too much time pointing weapon at one another and he was determined to never again return to such state.

“No, I make no such claim. Holding understanding of what I am capable of is of equal benefit. We have grown accustomed to fighting alongside one another and to know that failure in battle once more held the same consequence of death is something we should be aware of before entering into a fight. Now, I have given my reasoning multiple times and yet I am still confused as to why you find such cause for anger. I would have your explanation now.”

Yusuf had expected Nicolo to retreat, to release him and refuse to answer as was common for him whenever Yusuf asked him to reveal his thoughts. Nicolo was a very private man and Yusuf had already used that trait to his advantage, bringing conversation to subjects he knew would cause Nicolo to go silent and therefore prevent Yusuf from having to answer the same questions he asked of Nicolo.

He was not necessarily proud of himself when he did so but he had long ago learned that if he was given the opportunity to command conversation, he should retain it.

It wasn’t what happened this time, however. Nicolo’s expression became as determined as he was in battle and his fingers tightened around Yusuf’s arm so much that he felt a brief sting of pain. If he yet could, he believed the grip would have been enough to bruise him.

“I did not stay my hand against harming you again so that you could turn your own blade upon yourself,” Nicolo declared. “You do not like pain.”

Yusuf moved to cross his arms but Nicolo’s grip was unrelenting so he had to settle for placing his free hand on his hip. “Of course I do not like pain. I have not lost mind.”

“Then do not cause it to yourself.” Nicolo let out a deep sigh and took a small step closer to Yusuf, reaching for him with his free hand, both hands gripping at Yusuf’s arm now. “I understand your reasoning as I fear that this existence will come to an end in a moment most dangerous for us, that one of us will be struck down and then the other will be as well because they remained dead. And you are correct: I rely on you fighting at my side now. You have protected me beyond count even in times when I did not deserve such.” Yusuf wished to refute Nicolo, the man always more prone to thinking poorly of himself, but Nicolo didn’t allow him the opportunity. “But you must understand: the moment I lowered my weapon against you was the start of me coming to the realization that I never wished to see your blood spilled again.”

That was an admission far beyond anything Yusuf was expecting. His own thoughts were the same but he had expected to never give them voice and certainly held no expectation to hear them spoken by his companion. He had thought he was much more attached to Nicolo than the man was to him. Perhaps he had been wrong.

Yusuf’s silence in the wake of Nicolo’s admission appeared to cause the man to doubt if he should have spoken and his cheeks and the tips of his ears flushed red. Yet he did not release Yusuf.

That brought Yusuf to believe this man was stronger than he was, knowing that if he hadn’t received the response he’d been expecting, he would have dismissed it as though he’d been joking and would spend the next few days acting as though he was fine until he convinced himself he was.

It was a manner of dealing with disappointment his father had taught him as instrumental in being a successful merchant, to only show others what they wished to see. He hadn’t appreciated that, the inherent dishonesty of it, yet it had been necessary for him to adapt such skill. Because despite his feelings toward the matter, his father had been correct in it being a successful manner of interaction with potential customers.

Yet Nicolo was not a customer. He was not someone Yusuf would only chance in meeting again.

He was one Yusuf had spent a long time with now, longer than he’d spent with anyone in many years. Yusuf cared for Nicolo and the man apparently cared for him. They had come into this strange new life absent death and lingering injury together, even at one another’s blades.

Nicolo was the only person in this world Yusuf trusted.

If he didn’t wish to see Yusuf cause himself harm regardless of that it did not remain, then he should respect that.

“Those who you give your full trust to should be few and it should never be forgotten that you trust them for a reason,” Yusuf said absently. He hadn’t realized that he had spoken the words until he noticed Nicolo’s confused expression. “It was something my father said to me often. There were three men I recall that he would do anything they asked of him. When I questioned him, he would tell me that it was because he trusted them, It was only when I was older that I realized they never asked anything unreasonable of him, never asked him to betray himself or any others.” Nicolo was still frowning at him and so Yusuf gave him a smile, a gentle, restrained one he didn’t show many and he was certain Nicolo’s flush deepened. Yusuf dismissed it and reached his free hand over to squeeze comfortingly at Nicolo’s hand still holding his arm. “I trust you, Nicolo. I will do as you ask. And I apologize for causing you pain with my actions. I did not consider it would affect you so.”

Even as Nicolo appeared to be uncertain of how to react to Yusuf’s words, he still showed the fortitude that Yusuf had come to expect from the other man as he gave a nod before gifting Yusuf with one of his own smiles, the expression not often seen on the reticent man’s face.

When Nicolo asked Yusuf many years later when their relationship had changed and they were entwined together in their current bed when he thought he had first loved Nicolo, Yusuf answered that it had been that day. For that had truly been the first time they had spoken with complete honesty to one another and revealed something of themselves. It would become an integral aspect of their long relationship and while it would still take much time for Yusuf to come to love Nicolo as he did, it had been that day that had set his emotions toward Nicolo.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading.
> 
> So I have some pretty conflicted feelings about this one being the last prompt. It was the last one I wrote simply because I was having trouble thinking of something to write and was getting really tapped out on ideas. And then when I did get the idea for this fic I spent some time trying to get any other idea, mostly because I don't want to disrespect the topic and also because I genuinely don't believe that either Joe or Nicky would be ones to self-harm for any reason based on what we've been shown of their characters. If they give us some canon of their early life that proves otherwise, I'll accept it because 900 years is a long time ^_^. But this is what I ended up writing and there are parts of it that I really like.
> 
> I'm not marking the series as complete because there are currently two prompts that I'm going to be adding second parts to because of commenters leaving certain feedback of something they'd like to see for follow-ups and I'm just going to add them to the series for sake of ease. I'll try to get those done quickly before I get too invested back in my major crossover series.
> 
> Speaking of which, I am planning on adding The Old Guard to the crossover AU series I've got going on. So, this fandom will join Spartacus, Teen Wolf, No. 6, Yuri!! on Ice, Only the Ring Finger Knows, and Glee in that grand story. And it wasn't that they filled a gap I had in the story or world that I'd been trying to work out but I actually created entire details to work around them and it worked out so perfectly and I'm excited to write that.
> 
> Okay, that's all for now. Thank you again for reading and I'm very grateful to all of you for reading, especially to those who have shown their enjoyment by leaving kudos and comments or subscriptions. <3<3<3


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